2008 has been a very good year for me. A year full of ups and downs, joys and of course failures. Nevertheless I'm very thankful for a wondeful and meaningful year.

Last April 2008 I was promoted as a Team Manager. It has been a difficult task for a beginner but I would like to thank my mentors for all the support and knowledge that was imparted to me. I would also like to thank my team, they have been my training grounds and I can happily say that they were my success.

I have succesfully acquired my own apartment. Something that I'm quite proud of. Now I can prove to them that I can be independent.

For this year, I am targeting a new position. With all the hardwork and effort that I'm putting into it, I'm quite sure that I will have that post.

This new year brings new hope. Lets face this new chapter of our lives with a smiling face and with a positive outlook.

HAPPY NEW YEAR Everyone...

howie...

Its good to be back again...

Blog days are back... ;p

I started to work in a call center last week. I never thought that i will enjoy it so much.

The people around me, they amaze me a lot. I was the youngest in the group. Most of them were already college grads.

Some of them even have work experience before in a call center. Me, its my first time.

I enjoy their company together. The company of my teammates. The yosi breaks, the laughters and the teases.

Its like your studying once again. Its like having your basic english classes when you are in your freshman years in highschool or college. The trainer is  very good, so professional.

I do hope i can finish the training with flying colors. I really like the job so i think i really need to put some effort on it.

I really miss Lori as of this time. Hope we can see each other after the summer break.

    Today, i feel so bad about myself. I think Im about to lose something dear to me... I dont want to wait until that thing happens to me...

  Its terribly sad. Its ripping me inside. My chest feels like it is going to burst. I asked myself, "UNtil when will i wait for your return?"

  What does it take to be happy?... Yes Im happy just like what my friends always say because that is what they see physically. But deep inside im bleeding... Bleeding terribly.

  There is just one thing that i keep on hoping in, it is that one day she would return and say that she loves me and she needs me. I do hope so it will come before my soul ended this journey of my feelings into hell...

  I feel sad. Its terrible... :(

Today, Im here sitting here infront of the PC. I have nothing to do except to wait for my class that is scheduled 5:30 today. Did you now that we will tackle Rizal's Life? How tiring isn't it. Hehehehe

Last weekend, my organization went to a constitutional assembly to ammend some of the chapters of the constitution of the organization. I enjoyed it a lot. Sarap gumimik sa Diliman but still i prefer LB over them. Mas masarap gumimik dito. Mamatay na ang magsasabing bundok ang LB at wala kaming social life dito. Try nyo kayang pumunta dito, baka hindi na kayo umuwi pagnaranasan nyo ang LB way of Living. Hahaha pathetic ako.. blah blah

I really really miss Lori alot. Hirap ng ganito. Wala akong drive magaral masyado. Feeling ko kulang ako pero wala akong magawa sa pagkakataon gusto talaga kami paghiwalayin as of now. I really really want to see her now... Patience is a virtue... hay sana epektibo yan sa akin...

Its really hard now that I'm a major student. Engineering pa. at hindi lang basta engineering Electrical pa un hahaha. Ewan ko nga ba ayaw talaga sa akin ng math pero yung physics nga hinahabol pa ko. Biruin mo inoffer-an ako na magshift sa Applied Physics curriculum... hahaha pero ayoko masaya ako sa EE.

Eto wala na kong masabi sana sa susunod may maganda  namang mangyari sa buhay ko, pero isa lang ang aaminin  ko sa inyong lahat,

Masaya ako sa buhay ko, lalo na dahil andyan si... _______

Ciao....

Lately, I have been bothered by my nightmares. I thought they were dreams but lately they seem to be the realities that I live within.

Being a Head of a university organization was not a privilege. It was not something to be proud of. It was not a complement for you, much more when everything was not going out to be what was planned. It was hard. Really, really hard!

I thought I am strong. I thought I could endure all. I thought I could surpass all obstacles. That’s what I thought. Where am I right now? I’m on the verge of falling down, on the verge of being eaten by all the shits of this life, my term as the head.

Not on my term. That’s what I scream right now. I was hurt. I was always hurt.

Seeing my members having personal conflicts, gives me a headache. To witness them shouting at each other was even worse. At first you would think that you should not include yourself because it’s their problem but soon I realized that I, being the head, could no longer hold my silence. I cannot take a side. I cannot say who is wrong or who is right. All I can be is a bridge, a way for reconciliation.

It’s sad to know that you have plenty of members, but only few can be seen. We were all students and I know most of you were taking your majors but I was taking mine too. I’m also a student. I do have my majors. I do know that you have to do things more important, maybe your love lives; family, friends, academics or you just don’t want to attend. All I want was to gain support from you guys.

I was hurt when I heard a couple of members said this phrase, “ iba pala ang may kapamilyang iba!” Is there a problem on me? It was like you were slapping my face, stabbing me at the back. It was sad to hear your members saying those words against the organization your too much devoted to, that you can even eat all your pride just to provide what they want and that is what you get in return.

At first, there were people whom you would thought that will support you now that it was our time to handle the positions in the organization. They even claim that they love the organization so much. They even stated that they have learned a lot through the process, they learned a lot about the principles. Now I ask you, were are all those things and concepts that you claim that you have learned? Some would even agree that in times of despair they would be the light and the power to uplift the spirits of the members. Where are you now guys? Gone in the wind.

I don’t need you guys saying that you were not neglecting your work and that you will be working for the organization. You don’t have to claim that you always support me. I don’t need words of praise or words of claims. Action speaks louder than words. I need results, I need action, and we need to move on. Were stuck, I know all of you knew that.

If I had to persuade all of you to realize this I will do it. If I have to kneel in front of each one of you, just to ask you to fix your problems with other members, I will do. I will do what you want me to do for you to realize that I am serious in molding this organization and its people to work again. I love this organization so much and I always will.

Things for sure, I love you guys, I love the organization, not on my term…

(I didn’t mean to offend you guys; I just need to express what I feel)

Several years had passed since the last time I found myself feeling this way. Everyday, I met a lot of people: mingle with them, talked with them. I thought I would never be this content again.

I was in first year high school when I had my last girlfriend. The relationship went on for two years. Until one day, we found ourselves in the situation where she needs to go to US. I thought I’m going to lose my mind way back then. I learned a lot from that experience. We talked and ended the relationship with a smile within our lips. We separated with gratefulness towards each other, since 2 years was already long for a relationship.

After that moment in my life, a new chapter in my voyage opens. I have always loved that girl. It was a great feeling being free. I am in an open relation with others. I can date everyone I want. I can stay late at night without the second thought that someone will get angry with me. I enjoyed so much of my life being free, but there is one thing that I kept into myself: I love that girl so much.

I lived like that for two years. I had my first ever-sexual experience with a stranger, a friend I just met because of being “lakwatsero”. I thought I would only give it to the ones I love but I was wrong. I met a lot of girls. I flirted with them, but it was only up to that level. I never felt the feeling I was looking. It was all for fun and lust only.

I entered college. It was a new beginning for me. I always hoped. A whole new environment, people were much more mature and open for changes. You can see people of the same sex kissing, flirting each other. Anyway it was nothing new to me. I had been exposed to that way back. Every subject, I have a different set of classmates. There were beautiful girls, but was it beauty that can catch a man’s heart? Was physical appearance, the major criterion for a man to love a girl? I would answer that. For others it was but for me, it was not. I don’t care about her physical appearance or academic credentials. I was looking for that distinct feeling and belongingness and feeling of at peace and contentment when were together. I realized it was hard looking for that feeling. I looked for it so hard.

On my History 1 class, I met a girl. She was so dear to me. I liked her s much. I thought she was the one. I always put that into my mind that she was the one. She was the one I was waiting. I almost fooled myself. I have been crying every drinking session with my brods. I almost lose one part of being me, being strong. I felt that I loved her. But Love is a two way process. It will not work if only one will work for it. One of the greatest lessons I have learned.

That girl was texting me until now. I didn’t know if I still be happy with it but there was one thing for sure: I have learned my lessons well. You cannot force someone to love you in return and you should love without asking for any.

Now I’m in my junior year here in college. Junior year yet my standing was old sophomore. I was amazed with my discovery, a discovery that changed my perspective in life.

Now I realize that you should not look love. Let love find you. You do not have to push yourself hard to look for someone to love, just look around and one thing or another she may be sited right beside you. That’s what I’ve learned.

It had been a year, since I met this girl. She was my block-mate and has been my seatmate in some of our subjects. I never notice her since lately. We have been friends for such a while. Then one day, me my friend Jeff decided to walk with her up to their apartment. I enjoyed so much of her company. I never ever notice that she has that glow, the life and the feeling I have been looking for so long. From then on we were always going home together. I started texting her every night until the time comes that she was the one texting me.

I spent a lot of my class hours with her. She was one of my super-classmates. Now I don’t want to assume but I think I’m falling for her.

I never felt this contentment over spending many hours with anyone else. As of now I cannot say that I love her up to this moment but there is one thing for sure: She is important to me, she was one significant person to my life.

Life is full of mystery and surprises. It is full of ups and downs. But one thing is real, Hope is a good thing and God moves in mysterious ways.

Lately i felt weird about myself.